One Incredibly Unbelievably Immposibly Morbid Day
by homicidal guardians of peace
Summary: we are funny aren't we.... as the title would suggest, this fic involves sarcastic morbidity, uh, Nighthawk screams hey to her fave authors, uh, this was a joint venture between 2 insane people, ah, read it


"One Absolutely, Incredibly Morbid Day"  
  
One day, Mac happened to be walking down the street when, to her horror, she saw Harm stepping in front of a car.  
  
"No," she cried, and stepped out after him. (Modern day Romeo, and Juliet *tear tear*)  
  
Both were obliterated on impact and lay in the gutter bleeding together. (Aw! How romantic.)  
  
Meanwhile, from his office at JAG HQ, Bud sees all this occur and decides he has nothing to live for, throwing himself out the window.  
  
Harriet, who was likewise in her office at JAG HQ, currently nursing her child saw this occur, endured many shocks and horrors, and in her abhorrence *accidentally* dropped her baby. (Author is sick of JAG peeps calling child baby: when he is forty seven, he will still be called baby.)  
  
Deciding she can't live without, she follows the flavour of the day and throws herself out the window, after Bud and Lil AJ.  
  
Meanwhile, the CO learns of the days occurrences. Deciding he has failed (miserably) to ensure the safety and well-being of the men (and woman, oh wait, there's two, three if you count Singer, but who's brave enough to check?) charged to serve under him, he takes his pistol, conveniently located on the desk beside him, and shoots his brains out.  
  
Tina (author means Tiner) hears the shot, dramatically runs, crying pitiably, and sees his beloved Admiral (who voted for Clinton.. sharing his views on interns) haemorrhaging horrifically, lying dead, and surprises everyone by following suit.  
  
Singer, does not kill herself, merely shrugs, smiles at the corpses (pulling two into her closet for later use) and goes about her business *trying* to get promoted. But this doesn't last long, because the American public, upon hearing the *tragic* news, decided that this appalling lack of conformity could never be allowed to take place in their great, wonderful country, especially in their capital, and finally fulfilled their desire of murdering her.  
  
*Authors sigh. "Now who was next?"*  
  
Mic Brumby at the same time, received an anonymous phone call from two Aussie girls, who *surprisingly* had a less-retarded accent than him, informing him that on the other side of the world, eight Americans have died.  
  
Being a typical Aussie, he didn't really care, but due to the fact that the local media showed hyped up images of civilians (that just happened to be in uniform) suffering, was quite alarmed. But not quite motivated enough to do much more than reach for another beer.  
  
Unfortunately, he *fell*, while in the presence of afore mentioned Aussie females, and subsequently drowned. No one quite sure why, as reports have it he was a capable swimmer. It has been asserted that it could have absolutely *nothing* to do with the fact that there were two tonnes of bricks tied to his ankles.  
  
Gunny died in combat. (G2 doesn't want to go into because G1 still finds the absence of her fave JAG character distressing.)  
  
The pets of all above characters consequently died of starvation.  
  
The land lords of above characters couldn't collect rent from corpses (but had fun with them anyway) and proceeded to join the growing hordes of homeless bums populating DC, and died of starvation.  
  
Their pets died as well.  
  
And the friends of pets now six-feet under also died of car-accident related injuries.  
  
The military launched an investigation into this tragic loss (of the pets honey, the pets). All the officers on this case committed suicide in what appears to be a Satanic, homosexual suicide pact.  
  
The pets of these people also died in a freak animal sacrificial ritual by a nearby cult . (It wasn't the Republican administration, they swear... although Bush has admitted to like his bitches rigid)  
  
*Author proceed to have conversation about crazy Aussies*  
  
ANYWAY..  
  
Um, yeah, and so the day ended the same way as it started, Americans blissfully ignorant about the lack of WMD's in Iraq, Bush getting himself off (Justin Timberlake happily joining him in the Oval Office with the aptly named Little Johnny & Mr Blair.) , and a popular people happily teeny- bopping along to Good Charlotte's, "The Anthem", seemingly completely oblivious to the fact it's dissing them.  
  
*Author's realise the writer's of JAG and D. Bella-sorryass. still live*  
  
*sighs ensue* (we hate killing after dark. we only suck blood and bite hard after dark)  
  
The ah, writer's of JAG soon stumble across this fic at the end of a long day of once again avoiding large, angry mobs of H&M Shippers brandishing sub-machine guns and tomatoes. Rumour has it they were on the internet getting ideas for the next show.  
  
As a result, they realise what a piss-poor job they've been doing of the scripts, and kill themselves, methods varied, including wrist-slitting, hanging, jumping from altitudes (the authors would like to inform one of them that a chair isn't quite tall enough.) and overdosing on painkillers. (Both authors sigh simultaneously, they're expected to *finally* die next week.).  
  
Um,  
  
The End???  
  
*evil looks*  
  
Or is it?  
  
*cackling*  
  
*fade to black*  
  
"But wait, someone lives."  
  
*G1 shrugs*  
  
"Potential for a new season.."  
  
"Yeah, because JAG writer's love drawing things out for as long as possible."  
  
* * * * * * * Well hi, we're the Homicidal Guardians of Peace. This is our first JAG fic, please diss. So who did we leave alive???  
  
Find out next time we can be bothered getting of our lazy Aussie arses and update.. (which will probably occur sometime next century, you know, if you're still around.and Dubya, may the Lord fuck his corrupted soul, hasn't blown up the world.)  
  
DISCLAIMER: If we owned it, do you thing it would've got past ep ? (As we seem to enjoy massacring the masses.) 


End file.
